


I See Only You

by BamItsTaeTae



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, POV First Person, Realistic, Romantic Fluff, Slice of Life, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 19:17:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16102079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BamItsTaeTae/pseuds/BamItsTaeTae
Summary: My phone and all the other miscellaneous things I had been clutching spilled onto the ground… along with my dignity. I grasped my head and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. There was absolute chaos all around me. I was definitely on my way to meet my ancestors.“Are you okay?” A soft voice trumped over all the other confusion.





	I See Only You

     Change… it can be scary. Life can thrust you into the unknown with no warning. But there is something even more frightening, routine. When everyday is the same to the point you easily forget what day of the week it is. But it doesn’t matter, because your schedule is the same whether it’s Tuesday or Friday. Children expect adult life to be composed of nothing but change, excitement, and the ability to buy as many chocolate bars as your heart desires. I too thought this. And I too was thoroughly disappointed by reality.

       Wake up far too early, eat a breakfast that would concern my doctor, hop down the six steps in front of my apartment building, stroll down a block, and wait for the bus. Every day played out the same. I was by no means unhappy, but this was certainly less than smaller me would have wanted. I didn’t dislike my job, it brought in money, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I lived in Los Angeles for crying out loud! Wasn’t this a place where people chased their dreams? Well, it seemed I’d long since forgotten my dreams.

       The bus ride was the best part of my day… I suppose that’s a little sad. You see, it was the most interesting yet simultaneously mundane thing you could hope for. I knew that bus better than I knew my neighbors. I knew every little detail of it, every scrape, every stain, even every smell. And I had my very own seat, towards the back, by the window. I always sat there. I even etched my name into it! I kind of regret that. I could get sued or something.

      Even more than the bus itself, I knew the people who rode it. An older lady would often sit next to me on weekends. She liked to talk to me. I wouldn’t mind but she couldn’t speak English and my highschool Spanish classes failed me. I never knew who she was mad at or why, but she vented to me like I could do something about it. There was a guy who had recently started riding, he had once dressed like a homeless person, but slowly his attire grew better. He must’ve gotten a job. It was sort of inspiring.

        But there was someone even more interesting. One row ahead of me, on the other side of the aisle, that’s where he sat. As previously stated, I lived in Los Angeles, I’d seen my fair share of beautiful people. But he took the cake. He got on before me and got off after me. He always had these blue and black headphones on and would often mouth along to whatever song he was listening to. But mostly, he just stared out the window with the most content expression I had ever seen. And it was that contentment that interested me more than his looks or his on point style. I wanted to plop down next to him and ask him how, in a sea of people desperately trying to find happiness, he looked so at peace… and then maybe ask him to have coffee. But of course, that was impossible.

 

 

        The routine I followed that morning was, as per usual, mundane. I sat at the bus stop, watching cars fly past. It was laundry day, so I had to wear clothes about a size too small. I needed to squirm around every few seconds just to keep myself sane. Eventually the bus pulled up and I climbed on board. It seemed the luck gods had some agenda against me that day because the bus was overflowing with people. It was a Monday, not exactly high tourist hours, and mid fall. I was less than okay with this. I made my way towards the back and to no one’s surprise but my own, someone had their butt planted in my seat. Great. I felt like a fourth grader, most adults don’t get so petty about losing “their” seat. In fact, all the seats were taken. I sighed and picked out a handle to cling to for dear life. The bus got moving again and I swayed gently with the motion. I slowly came down from my anger and got to looking at the people on the bus. It was certainly an interesting crowd. But I forgot about all of this when my eyes drifted to the person I was standing next to… him.

       Panic mode. Butterflies filled my stomach and clogged my throat. He was even more amazing up close. I was certain I was moments from death. But I realized this could be a good thing, the perfect excuse to talk to him. A little friendly small talk about the weather and then I could branch into my burning questions. A flawless plan I was slowly realizing I would never put into action. I could not get myself to so much as open my mouth. Those freakin’ butterflies.

      Plan B was to just kind of stare at him and will him to do my bidding. It was less than successful. I was so engrossed in this, the bus’s sudden grinding halt caught me completely off guard. It seemed the bus had rear-ended a car. Most of the people who were standing around me used managed to stay on their feet. I, on the other hand, was thrown off my feet. In my attempt to stop falling I ended up face planting into the back of a chair… specifically the chair in front of, well of course it had to be _him_.

      My phone and all the other miscellaneous things I had been clutching spilled onto the ground… along with my dignity. I grasped my head and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. There was absolute chaos all around me. I was definitely on my way to meet my ancestors.

“Are you okay?” A soft voice trumped over all the other confusion.

        I looked up and made eye contact with the speaker. Despite the fact I had been staring at him mere moments ago, I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. All I could do was stare up at him, mouth open, face on fire. Eventually, I managed a nod. He must’ve thought I’d had brain damage judging by his concerned expression.

“Alright!” The bus driver called. “Everyone off! You’ll need to catch another bus!”

       I sprung up, the whole world spinning for a few seconds. I ignored the throbbing in my ears and squeezed past everyone, desperate to get away from the most embarrassing moment of my life. I could’ve sworn I’d heard him calling out to me, but I was in no mood to stop. That was not the sort of excitement I had ever wanted.

 

 

         The next morning it seemed everything had gone back to normal. My head was still swimming with thoughts from the anarchy of the day before, but the routine remained the same. I waited at the bus stop for that familiar vehicle to chug its way over to me. Sure enough, a bus pulled up. The doors opened, and I began to climb in. I froze. Something was off. The smell was different. The stairs were missing the shadows of gum and other gunk. I glanced at my watch. It was the right time, this should be my bus. But it wasn’t, everything was different. For a moment, I felt as though I’d been transported to some other dimension. My brain short circuited and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself.

“Well?” The bus driver looked annoyed.

          Crap. I must’ve looked crazy. I needed to just get off. I started to turn when movement in the corner of my eye stopped me. A hand was raised in the air… _his_ hand. This was my bus. I paid the fair and made my way towards the back. His hand was still up. He noticed and looked a little embarrassed. He lowered it slowly and beckoned me over. I felt like I was dreaming. I walked up to him, dying inside.

“Um,” He reached into his pocket. “You dropped this yesterday.”

           It was my phone. I’d been in such a rush to escape, I’d left it on the ground like an idiot. I was sure I’d have to buy I new one. Apparently not.

“Oh!” I took it from him. “Thank you so much!”

          He gave a little smile and nodded. I turned to go sit down and collect myself, but the bus was full again. He noticed this too. He scooted over. I stared at him, wide eyed. I knew what he was suggesting but I was unable to process it. It seemed like he didn’t know how to say it out loud. I forced my legs to move. I plopped down next to him. My mind moved a million miles a second. This was a chance, I couldn’t let it go, not again. He picked up his headphones. My chance was three seconds away from disappearing.

“Say,” I blurted out. “What are you listening to?”

       He looked at me, just sort of blinking.

“I mean, I noticed you are always listening to stuff on the bus. B-but I don’t, like, stare at you,” Smooth. “You just have a really peaceful look on your face. So… is it like meditation music?”

He laughed, getting a little red. “Not really. It’s Kpop.”

“Oh!” I sat forward. “I love Kpop!”

       I lived right next to Koreatown, you catch little bits of other cultures when you pass by them on the street every day. While my Korean was limited, I really did enjoy their music.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“EXO,” He was smiling such a gorgeous smile. “They’re my go to for bus rides.”

“Makes sense,” I put out my hand. “Nice to meet you by the way. What’s your name?”

He took my hand, shaking it gently. “Joshua.”

 

 

        Friends are wonderful in your childhood. But they are a truly rare and precious thing as you grow older. The world is changing, and friendships are too. I had never in my life befriended a total stranger on the bus of all places. Yet, as the days past, I only grew closer and closer to Joshua. We met on the bus each and every morning. We sat together and talked. And somedays, we didn’t feel the need to say anything at all. After a while, he became part of my routine. But it was a part that I would never, ever get sick of.

      I told him about my lackluster job and painfully simple life. I told him my missed dreams and regrets. And he told me his. His parents were both fully Korean. He spoke Korean at home and English at school. And when he was eighteen, he moved to Korea to pursue his music career.

“You wanted to be a Kpop idol?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yeah,” He stared out the window. “Music is my life. Or it was back then. I stayed there for two years but… I never debuted. So, here I am.”

“I’m sorry,” I put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright,” He gave me a smile. “It was better this way, I suppose. If I didn’t move back, I never would have met you!”

         Ouch. There’s nothing more painful than falling in love. And I had fallen pretty deep. We exchanged numbers and started to hang out outside of the confines of a bus. I was insanely happy when I was with him and completely dejected when I wasn’t.

        Watching him slowly open up and be himself around me was like watching a flower blossom, utterly stunning. He had always looked shy and reserved but appearances can be deceiving. It was like gazing up at the clouds as they turned purple and pink with the sunset. Then, when you least expect it, the sun peaks out from behind them, glorious and bright. Both sides were gorgeous. So, I guess you could say I was smitten. But I was still never sure if he felt the same way. The thought of him rejecting me was terrifying. The sun might disappear behind the horizon and leave me in the dark of night. But fear would get me nowhere.

 

 

        It was D-day. I was going to ask him out. I leaned against the hot railing, gazing out at the ocean. It was like it was reminding me of the long, long amount of time I could spend alone. Risk it all or do nothing and gain nothing. I turned and looked back at the people strolling around the pier. A familiar face waded through the crowd towards me. His smile was brighter than the sun. I felt like I needed two pairs of sun glasses to survive this day.

“Hey!” He waved as he walked over. “What should we do first?”

“Well, we could ride the Farris Wheel, I hear that’s pretty exciting.” I was a whimp.

“Alright,” He kept talking as we walked. “You know, I’ve never been here before. You would think with how long I’ve lived here I would’ve gone sometime. There’s a first time for everything I guess.”

          I could only smile and nod. He picked up on this and opted for a comfortable silence over a one-sided conversation. Whimp, I was a massive whimp. I wanted to do something Rom-comish and ask him out when we got to the top of the wheel. But the moment came and went. I tried to just enjoy those moments with him, but my mind wouldn’t let go of the question.

          We roamed around, chatting, eating, and doing whatever we felt like until the sun was low in the sky. It was now or never. I pulled him to the edge of the pier and looked him right in the eyes.

“Joshua,” I said. “We’re close, right?”

“Yeah,” He nodded. “Of course. Why?”

“Well, I want you to know this isn’t like a superficial thing.” I shifted around. “I want you to know it’s not just because of your looks, or your voice, or your style. Well, I mean they help but- wh-what I’m trying to say-”

“Wait,” Joshua put his hand up.

       I froze. His expression was not happy. It wasn’t angry either. It was sad. He was sad. A wave of distress poured over me. He looked down at the ground, unable to meet my eyes.

“I know.” He said softly. “I know what you’re going to say-”

“I like you,” I said it before he could stop me.

He let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, that. And I… care about you, a lot.”

“Just not romantically?” My voice was shaking.

“No. I had to stop myself from feeling that.” He took my hand. “I knew something you didn’t. I should’ve told you sooner, spared you the time and energy but… I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”

“What?” I asked. “What are you saying?”

“I’m moving back to Korea.” He said. “My dream, I think I have the chance to make it a reality again. And you really made me want to make it one again. I care about you so much, I really do. But-”

“Korea is awfully far away, isn’t it?” I couldn’t stop the tears, only ignore them.

He nodded. “Your job is going well, right? You just got that promotion and everything. I can’t ask you to just move to another country for me. But, we can still be close. We can still call each other. I can visit you when I see my parents.”

“I understand.” I wiped my eyes. “I won’t stop you. I can’t go with you. So, I have to let you go, don’t I?”

He was barely holding back tears as he pulled me into a hug. “Being with you, it’s almost like something out of a fairy tale. I’ll miss you so much.”

“Go on, silly,” I laughed a little. “Chase your dreams. I’ll watch you from afar, just like before. I see you. I always see you and only you.”


End file.
